NFL Power Rankings and Picks

The Best D@mn NFL Power Rankings: Week 1 (17-32)



Las Vegas Raiders Marvel NFL Concept Helmet

17. Las Vegas Raiders (1-0)

Beat Baltimore 33-27

Ok, that’s how you open a stadium. And David Carr is ageless. But while this was an amazing way to open the season, Chucky still has a problem. He refuses to feed Josh Jacobs. Numbers don’t lie… when this guy gets his carries, the Raiders win. You saw what happened in overtime… They put the game on Carr’s arm, and he almost blew it. If Gruden figures this out, the Raiders are a playoff team. If he doesn’t they’re just an average team that scores a lot.

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Dallas Cowboys Marvel NFL Concept Helmet

18. Dallas Cowboys (0-1)

Lost to Tampa Bay 31-29

So what dod the “Boys show us this week? Good new and bad news. The good news: Dak. Holy sh@t. Is it possibe he’s better now? The Bad news? Mike McCarthy. The Cowboys still have the worst coach in the league. The guy still has no idea what a running game is for. Zeke had 11 carries. It’s not complicated. The way Dak was spraying it around, there were running lanes open. If Dallas could have controlled the clock a bit more, Zurlein’s misses don’t matter because this game wouldn’t have been close. Settle in for another frustrating and disappointing season, Dallas fans.

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Carolina Panthers Marvel NFL Concept Helmet

19. Carolina Panthers (1-0)

Beat New York Jets 19-14

Sam Dornold should be the happiest guy in football. Three hours of witnessing his football life from the other side… while leaning on so many things he’s just not used to. Like a D. And a running game. And receivers. And the chance to play against the Jets. It wasn’t exactly a statement game, but you still gotta feel good for the guy.

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Cincinnati Bengals Marvels NFL Concept Helmet

20. Cincinnati Bengals (1-0)

Beat Minnesota 27-24

If Burrows survives, the Jamar Chase move is brilliant. With Mixon finally hitting stride, the Bengals are going t win enough games that it won’t be an ‘uspet’ any more when they beat a Minnesota at home. The tragedy here is that it’s hard to imagine, as much time as he’s spending on the ground, that Burrows is going to get through four months under siege like that.

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Denver Broncos Marvel NFL Concept Helmet

21. Denver Broncos (1-0)

Beat New York Giants 27-13

Teddy B is in the same boat as Tyrod Taylor. Why does everybody keep getting rid of this guy. He may only be a stop-gap QB for the Broncos, but I’m a whole lot more confident in his ability to see the playoffs this year than a lot of more expensive guys out there.

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Minnesota Vikings Marvel NFL Concept Helmet

22. Minnesota Vikings (0-1)

Lost to Cincinnati 27-24

It’s not just that Cousins holds the ball too long… he is literally the most immobile b@stard to ever play the game of football. Same old story in the end; He puts up great fantasy numbers, “Ooh, look at all of the shiny skill players!” and… another loss.

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Washington Marvel NFL Concept Helmet

23. Washington Nameless (0-1)

Lost to LA Chargers 20-16

Grandpa Fitz wasn’t the answer, but d@mn… if hes out for more than a week or two it’s over for the Nameless ones. Giants, Bills, Saints ,Packers, Chiefs, Bucs. All in the next 7 games. It could get ugly fast. That D can’t save them from all that mess.

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New England Patriots Marvel NFL Concept Helmet

24. New England Patriots (0-1)

Lost to Miami 17-16

So the Patriots are at home.  Their rookie QB actually plays pretty well… almost 300 yards to 8 receivers.  You’re RB drops a 100 yard game.  You’re up against a team with a QB we can all agree is average at best right now.  Your D holds them to 250 yards and 17 points.  And you lose?  Someone remind me why this guy is the GOAT of coaches again?

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Philadelphia Eagles Marvel NFL Concept Helmet

25. Philadelphia Eagles (1-0)

Beat Atlanta 32-6

While it was just Atlanta, Hurts reminded the league that he’s still here. But the Iggles can’t play the Falcons every week, and the ‘Niners are on deck. It was a nice one game winning streak.

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New York Giants Marvel NFL Concept Helmet

26. New York Giants (0-1)

Lost to Denver 27-13

So Saquon is back, Daniel Jones is the guy, got himself some new receivers, and…. 7 points? A week in and it’s already time to hang it up on the Giants.

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Detroit Lions Marvel Concept Helmet

27. Detroit Lions (0-1)

Lost to San Francisco 41-33

The Lions really only played a little over a quarter of bad football.  They played the ‘Niners tight most of the first half, and things fell apart until about 5 minutes into the 4th.  Then Jared Goff reminded us he’s still an NFL QB… one who’s been to a Super Bowl.  Not that it matters… If Stafford couldn’t lift this team, Goff won’t either.

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Chicago Bears Marvel NFL Concept Helmets

28. Chicago Bears (1-0)

Lost to LA Rams 34-13

Sitting Justin Fields looks like a d@mned smart move now, doesn’t it? I’ll be genuinely surprised if he’s not out there next week against the Bengals.

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Atlanta Falcons Marvel NFL Concept Helmet

29. Atlanta Falcons (0-1)

Lost to Philadelphia 32-6

Matt Ryan must love him some football. Why else would he come back for this? Watching the Falcons was sad this week; they’re bad. Like Jacksonville bad. The D is bad, and his cast of WRs and RBs is worse than some teams’ practice squads. The only thing on this team that isn’t bad is the kicker. He had to know how bad this was going to be.

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New York Jets Marvel NFL Concept Helmet

30. New York Jets (0-1)

Lost to Carolina 19-14

Still not sold on Zach Wilson on anything other than a decent QB, but he had his moments against the Panthers… at least when he was upright. He may win a few games, but that kid is going to take a beating.

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Houston Texans Marvel NFL Concept Helmet

31. Houston Texans (1-0)

Beat Jacksonville 37-21

How is Tyrod Taylor a career backup? No one’s going to mistake the guy for Pat Mahomes, but it took more than one hand to count the number of teams who would be better off with this guy. Yeah, the Jags are garbage, but he was as solid as almost any QB in the league out there.

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Jacksonville Jaguars Marvel NFL Concept Helmet

32. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1)

Lost to Houston 37-21

It was a best of times, worst of times day fot Trevor Lawrence. There were a few “Welcome to Sundays, kid” hits. There were mistakes and rookie moments. All 3 of his picks were of the ‘wouldn’t have been a pick in college” variety. He seemed surprised when a DL chased him down after he left the pocket. Normal rookie QB stuff. But there were also moments of brilliance… when he looked every bit that role of #1 pick. It’s going to be a long year for the kid, but he’s going to be great. No one else on this team is, though. Houston is terrible, and they looked like contenders.

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