Click below to see last 2 weeks of Guaranteed Picks!
Guaranteed, you ask? Indeed. Are we always right? Of course. Or maybe it just makes for a good title. Last week we were far from it; 10-4. For the year? 82-20-1… about 80%. I’m not sure if, in the overall scheme of things, that’s all that good, but we impressed the hell out of ourselves. And these things are fun to do; in a COVID world where my kids and I spend far more time at home, it, along with our “official” power rankings (which are, of course, not official… if you’re a football fan you know there’s no such thing- power rankings are, in fact subjective by nature. Like “Guaranteed”, it’s a title, and a joke of one at that. So no need to point out the fact in the comments angrily; we assume that football fans will get the joke. We can’t congregate to talk football, or really even go to the damn games… so this is the next best thing, and we love doing them as a family. If you disagree, then leave a comment! They’re meant as discussion starters, nothing more. If you’re offended by the title, or our opinions… hell- don’t read them. We do look forward to any comments, and we will answer any and all… except those telling us to go die. Damn grumpy @ss Cowboys fans.
So with that, here are out GUARANTEED picks for week 8 of the NFL season:
Two teams that are polar opposites. The Panthers, on paper, should be garbage. The Falcons, on paper, should not. Yet there were the Panthers going toe to toe with the Saints, flirting with playoff contention, while the Falcons keep finding innovative ways to blow themselves up. If CMC plays this week, this game is a no brainer. But even if he doesn’t, Teddy B will have his way with that secondary.
Prediction: Panthers 27 Falcons 24
Joe Burrows keeps coming close week after week, fresh off of a brilliant QB duel with Baker Mayfield. The Titans are coming off of their first loss of 2020, a near comeback against the Steelers. All that considered, it’s doubtful that Burrows will find that elusive first win this week. It should be an exciting game; you can move the ball on the Titans. But Tennessee should pull away in the second half.
Prediction: Titans 37 Bengals 27
The Packers handled the Vikings in Minnesota to start the season; there’s no reason to think things will be any different at Lambeau. Rodgers should have his way with the remnants of Minnesota secondary again. This one should be over early.
Prediction: Packers 41 Vikings 24
Not much to analyze here. Only question is weather the J-E-T-S will keep them under 100.
Prediction: Chiefs 45 Jets 10
I’m really glad I’m not a Lions fan. That sh@t would drive me nuts. When the Lions are on, they can hang with almost any team in the league. More often they look like the Jets. And it’s been like that as long as I can remember… Like all the way back before Barry Sanders. This is what they’re talking about when they say “a culture of losing.” So which Lions team shows up this week? Got me. The good Lions showed up this week. Two weeks is too much to ask.
Prediction: Colts 30 Lions 21
The Steelers made me a believer this week… so of course now that I’m thinking they’ll assert dominance over the Ravens they will no doubt lay an egg. But this is a team that can punch the Ravens in the mouth, so I’m riding with them.
Prediction: Steelers 24 Ravens 21
Like everyone else in the world, I felt bad for Fitzmagic; I was just getting on the ‘Phins bandwagon. Is Tua going to start the world on fire and make us all forget? Not this week against the Rams, anyway.
Prediction: Rams 31 Dolphins 17
Like every football fan who doesn’t live north of New York, I got tired of the Pats. I mean… 20 years? That’s just some greedy sh@t. So I won’t shed a tear now that those fans are remembering what it’s like to suck. No reason to think they’ll suck any less against a Bills team they spent those 20 years kicking around.
Prediction: Bills 38 Pats 20
Bakerdecided, for a change, that he was Joe Montana this week, while the Raiders went blow for blow with Tompa Bay before fading in the fourth quarter. With two teams with multiple personalities, it’s hard to guess which versions will show up. But if there’s one thing we know about Mayfield it’s that he is the definition of inconsistency.
Prediction: Raiders 35 Browns 31
The Chargers are one of those teams I’m completely ambivalent over. I don’t like or dislike them; they’re just kind of there. But I enjoyed watching young Mr. Herbert notch his first win. He’s just fun to watch. The Broncos aren’t terrible, but there’s no reason to think Herbert won’t achieve his first winning streak.
Prediction: Chargers 34 Broncos 23
Now that we can all stop arguing about how good the Bears were at 5-1, we move on to the next question: How good are they at 5-3?
Prediction: Saints 27 Bears 20
A few weeks ago this game looked like a dud. But the ‘Niners suddenly look like the ‘Niners again, and we got the answer to the question people have been asking since week one… what happens if Russell Wilson has a game where the “S” on his chest goes away for a game? There’s a lot on the line here… if the Seahawks win, they put enough distance between the two teams to coast. If San Fran pulls it off, the NFC west is suddenly as interesting as we all thought it would be. I think Shanahan will have the ‘Niners ready.
Prediction: 49ers 38 Seahawks 34
Another battle for NFC East supremacy. Other than the Jets, there isn’t a team in the league I’d pick to lose to the Cowboys. And I’d struggle with that one. My only question at this point is this: When will Jerry realize he hired the worst coach in the NFL?
Prediction: Eagles 31 Cowboys 10
The G-men are definitely playing better, but the Bucs are firing on all cylinders now. The Giants improvement will take a week off.
Prediction: Bucs 38 Giants 13
Categories: NFL Power Rankings and Picks